I know, I KNOW, it does for a lot of people.

But WHY?

This post is rambling as hell whilst I get my ideas down.

Victor/Victoria and it confused the hell out of me.  A girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl. He’s One of the Guys was another idiotic Hollywood story where it was okay for a female to pretend to be a male but only for the comedy aspect of it.

My dad was friends with this couple, Julie and Sara.  I remember thinking that it was a pretty forward attitude for a man born in 1949 in the heart of BFE until I realized that he didn’t know they were a couple. They wore wedding rings ‘to keep from getting hit on by guys’. Riiight, and I have some lakefront property to sell you. I knew they were a couple, it was the little things that I’d see my grandparents do. But I wasn’t supposed to know. Because the small college town we lived in was definitely not alternative lifestyle friendly. I never said anything because, even as a teenager, I somehow knew it would be dangerous for them.  It was okay for two women to live together – as friends – old maids, they were okay.

I remember walking across the quad at BSU on a glorious fall day with my arm in hers, asking Julie why it mattered. Why couldn’t they tell people. Why couldn’t they just be left alone to live their lives, they weren’t hurting anything. Because although Sara’s baby daddy didn’t want any responsibility for her son, not even child support, he would be taken away from them. I remember her stopping right there, grabbing both of my arms, looking very afraid, “You can’t tell anyone. NO ONE, not even your dad.”  She said it just mattered. Because people saw it as evil, perverted, corruption. I had never seen someone look that terrified in person.  Soon after, Julie put in for transfer to a different campus and they moved to a bigger town where we never heard from them. When I asked my dad why they had gone, he said it was a good thing they moved because there were truly horrible rumors going around about them and, if it were true, well people like them weren’t tolerated around good and upstanding people.

Good and upstanding people. That line right there made me realize that my dad was a fucking hypocrite. I was 13. Good and upstanding people cheated on their spouses and lied about the parentage of their kids.  Good and upstanding people were jailed almost on a weekly basis for beating on their wife.  Good and upstanding people poached because they were too lazy to have a paying job to put food on the table.  Good and upstanding people drank their entire paycheck away and left their family with no food, water, or heat in the dead of a northern Minnesota winter. Good and upstanding people weren’t allowed alone with young people because they liked children a little too much.


I posted this comment on the blog of someone I follow, more stalkerish really, who ‘came out’ to have had gender reassignment.

Every day people tell lies…lies to others and themselves about one thing or another. You color your hair, wear make up, whiten your teeth. Those are all lies to some extent, only approved by society. I certainly do not weigh the 180 that is on my driver’s license and my hubby really is going bald.

Do you run around and tell people the 100% unvarnished truth all of the time? I really wear contacts because asshats make fun of people with glasses. I color my hair a dark color to avoid the blonde stereotypes I heard my entire childhood. I pretend to be an idiot because boys don’t like smart girls. And whose truth is it?

How is *his* being born a different gender than what he identifies with any sort of lie though? He is still the person you follow on social media, read his books, conversed with, male. He hasn’t changed, your perception has changed based on some small fact that you discovered.

And I just don’t care. It isn’t my business who you sleep with as long as it is  consensual.  I used to add safe and sane in there until I realized that my idea of safe and sane is an entirely different continent from your safe and sane. I can’t imagine never being so comfortable in my own skin to have major reconstruction surgery. I can’t imagine it.


I can imagine having to act a certain way all the whilst having your soul whittled little by little, screaming inside “This is not me.”




Today I went to the gym (aka going on the elliptical and watching netflix on my phone for 45 minutes, then going in the hot tub and amazing massaging waterfalls and water slide for an hour and a half.) 

The lady at the front desk said “are you a mother?” “No,” I said. “Why do you ask?” Mother’s get in free today! “Oh,” I said. I felt a pang of sadness.

She looked at me again. “Do you have pets?” I was didn’t understand why she was asking me this. “No.”

“Hmmm, ” she said. “Oh, wait a second!” I replied. ” I forgot that I live on a farm! I literally have hundreds of pets!” “Well, it looks like you’re a mother, then.” She stamped my hand and let me into the ghetto spa for free.

This little gesture meant a lot. Because in a small way she was…

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I want to first start this review out by stating I received this book free from the author in return for posting a review and I have not yet read the first book in this series, but it isn’t necessary.

This book is a time sucking page turner, as in I sat down to read a few chapters and suddenly, most of the night had passed.As a other reviewers stated, it was like riding a roller coaster. It was terribly sad in some places and others, I could find a dark sort of humor in. The author’s turn of phrase and crafting of the story, made me feel the oppressive heat of Arizona, the anger and evil of the killer, and utter despair and wretchedness of the victims in this story (non-spoilery as I feel everyone is a victim here but you will have to read the book to discover why). You see the humanity of all of the characters, both the good traits and bad.

All in all, this story is a great page turner and just when you think you have it figured out, there’s a twist.

Wisdom around the world RT @EmIelWhy: Blood is thicker than water but syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family

Have you seen @Syfy trailer for #Defiance It’s pretty fantastic! http://www.defiance.com/en/series/video/2634770

Slactivism–“feel-good” measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel some amount of satisfaction. The acts tend to require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist. The underlying assumption being promoted by the term is that these low-cost efforts substitute for more substantive actions rather than supplementing them, although this assumption has not been borne out by research. The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS describes the term “slacktivist”, saying it “posits that people who support a cause by performing simple measures are not truly engaged or devoted to making a change”–quoted from Wikipedia.

My eldest niece has been making a stink about this for a while now–not that she isn’t guilty of this herself.  Some people (like myself) have been quietly working behind the scenes for 30 years to show support to the people in their lives affected by this issue and felt more harm than good would come of being in other people’s faces, pushing the issue to bigoted, narrow-minded persons who won’t be swayed anyway.

Being public about an issue is no good if you aren’t private about it also. You can’t buy your way into Heaven with lip service and deeds, the same applies here. The truth of your convictions begins at home, in how you handle your private life.

Like many people, I was raised by a single parent and my grandparents and I turned out just fine–after a little therapy.   A child does not need a mother & father as long as they are loved.  In this age, there are so many different types of families; single moms, single dads, grandparents raising their grandchildren, unmarried parents co-parenting, an extended family made up of friends rather than relatives, and many more examples of extended families. A village, really.

When you look at some of the types of marriage – women being abused but “staying for the children”, two parents not even loving each other but “raising their children together”, those who just basically formed a companionship to “raise children together”.  Those types can be much more detrimental to a child than having 1 parent or 2 same-sex parents. It saddens me that society wants to teach our children that only 1 male & 1 female parent is okay or otherwise the kid will come out screwed up.

My parents got divorced after ten years having five children, two of which died to infant death. My dad was single for three years then got remarried to a woman with a child, because she became pregnant.  It was a mistake. They knew it was a mistake, but did ‘the right thing’, ending up having three more children. They stayed together “for the sake of the kids”.  Twenty-five years they were married and they were miserable, making us miserable. Once the youngest graduated from high school they divorced.

Our family was screwed up.  Not only did they hate each other, but they resented the other partner’s children–which made for a miserable childhood for me. Until recently, I didn’t know just how purposefully oblivious our dad was.  We were talking about the old days. He talked about how different it is now compared to when he got up at 4:00am left by 5:00 to be at work in DC by 7:00 and returned home around 7:00pm, six days a week.  He commended her for keeping the house clean and stretching the budget to support seven kids with enough left over to go out twice a month. My eyes about popped out of my head.

My sister and I did our own laundry and cooked our own meals, we had to have jobs for spending money to buy our own food, clothes, and supplies because she didn’t give us anything from the household allowance. We still had to do chores around our work and school schedules and things take care of a household that a stay at home person SHOULD have been doing–or else pay her to do it for us. It cost me $0.50 per meal to have her do the dishes; breakfast, lunch, dinner; $0.50 to vacuum every day, $0.50 a load for using ‘her’ water to do my laundry–Basically I paid out $20 a week to sleep there.

I left the house for school at 7 , did homework before class, had breakfast & lunch there (free meals), then went straight to work after.  I worked 4-11, M-TH at a group home where I cooked the meals, gave baths, did laundry, cleaned the house, used break time to study or homework. Friday I had off so I could get ready for the weekend where I worked 7-7  shifts Saturday and Sunday.

I don’t know what I would have done without my bff’s family, my other mother.  They took me in my senior year and I got a chance to not work 52 hours a week, have someone else do my laundry & cook my food–had to sit down at a table and eat with a family which was a novel experience. I still had chores, but they were equally divided among four kids and were age appropriate-dishes, put away my own clothes, clean out the cat litter, or pick up after the dog.

Right after I moved in, Mom loaded up Bran & I in the wagon and headed to the mall.  After picking out a pair of jeans and top I could afford, I went to Walden Books.  We got back to the house, unloaded, and I discovered that not only did I have jeans and top I picked out, but bras, underwear, sneakers, more jeans, tops, and socks. Bran picked them out and her mom paid for everything, I bawled for an hour straight. I thought her dad was going to have a come to Jesus meeting with my dad and a shotgun.

I guess what I’m saying is that our children should be taught that man+woman does not equal the best family.  Our children do deserve protection but that is to be taught that hate is never the answer.  Denying ANYONE a right that should be theirs to begin with is wrong. Even criminals get rights  to their private lives, but same-sex couples have none.


RT @republicoftea: Enjoy #free shipping on all U.S. domestic orders until March 24, 2013! Help us share the news, please RT. #SipbySip

House cleaned, went to Menards & Penney’s, took the dog to the vet, went for a 2.5 mile walk across the pasture & creek; all b4 11:30. I’m feeling accomplished!

Nachos for dinner. #ohnomnomnom

Have you ever entered a book contest and gotten swag?  Not a free book, although that would be a win! too.  I mean swag, similar to what the celebs get for attending an event.  Book marks, coffee cups, window clings.

The best swag I ever got was a magnet.  I don’t remember the author or title of the book but I still have the magnet.  The book was action/adventure. Mixed m/f team of covert operatives for the US, fighting for their god and country and all that.  Before the team went on an op they would ask for guidance. I remember the prayer was actually only stated at the beginning of the book and alluded to the rest of the time.